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electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France

electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France GP7o
The supplied information obtained from the pie graphs is about the units of electricity production by various fuel sources in Australia and France in 1980 and 200. Above all, there are some variation trends found throughout the figure noticed. According to the defined graphs, in Australia, the total production of electricity was 100 units in 1980 and 170 units in 2000. They generated half of total electricity by coal sources in 1980, whereas they contributed almost three-quarter electricity units in 2000. By comparison, they made up quite less than twice in 200 as much as in 1980 by Hydo power stations. The units of electricity was encompassed by Natural gas and oil sources falling from 20% and 10% in 1980 to 2 units in both sources in 2000. In France, however, the total production of units of electricity was evident 90 units in 1980 and 180 units in 2000 which was twice as much as former. They comprised the same units in both year by coal sources. they generated more in 2000 than in 190 by Oil sources. While France's people generated only 15 units electricity by Nuclear power stations, they accounted for the highest units which was 126 units in 2000. They covered the electricity units by Natural gas and Hydo power stations decreasing from 25 units and 5 units in 1980 to 2 units in both sources in 2000 respectively. To recapitulate, it can be said that Australia's people did not use to generate electricity the Nuclear power station in both years.
The supplied information obtained from the pie graphs is about the
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units
of
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electricity
production by various fuel
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sources
in Australia and France in 1980 and 200.
Above all
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
variation trends found throughout the figure noticed.

According to the defined graphs, in Australia, the total production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
was 100
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units
in 1980 and 170
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units
in 2000. They generated half of total
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electricity
by coal
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sources
in 1980, whereas they contributed almost three-quarter
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electricity
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units
in 2000. By comparison, they made up quite less than twice in 200 as much as in 1980 by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hydo
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power
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stations
. The
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units
of
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electricity
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "were".
was
encompassed by Natural gas and oil
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sources
falling from 20% and 10% in 1980 to 2
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units
in both
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sources
in 2000.

In France,
however
, the total production of
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units
of
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electricity
was evident 90
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units
in 1980 and 180
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units
in 2000 which was twice as much as former. They comprised the same
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units
in both year by coal
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sources
.
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they
generated more in 2000 than in 190 by Oil
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sources
. While France's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
generated
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only
15
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units
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electricity
by Nuclear
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power
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stations
, they accounted for the highest
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units
which was 126
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units
in 2000. They covered the
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electricity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
by Natural gas and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hydo
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power
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stations
decreasing from 25
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units
and 5
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units
in 1980 to 2
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units
in both
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sources
in 2000
respectively
.

To recapitulate, it can
be said
that Australia's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
did not
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
generate
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electricity
the Nuclear
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power
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station
in both years.
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IELTS academic electricity production by fuel source in Australia and France

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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