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The table below shows the number of Japanese children of school age studying overseas.

The table below shows the number of Japanese children of school age studying overseas. L3B63
The tables give information about the data on Japanese children studying abroad in four different areas. It is clear that the majority of Japanese student comes to North America to study abroad in both school age. On the other hand, the number of Japanese student study in Middle East is the lowest. By the elementary school age, the number in North America is remarkably high: 15, 915 which is at least as twice as Europe(7, 864) and as sixth as Asia(2, 632). On another hand, the number of lower-secondary school age students in North America is still the highest but compare with the elementary school age students, this number is three times lower. The total of two-school age Japanese studying overseas in North America is 20, 848. It can be seen that Middle East had the lowest number of Japanese student, at 373 elementary students and 123 lower-secondary students. Following is Europe with the total of Japanese student in both age is 10, 564. It is worth nothing that the numbers of elementary Japanese student in Europe is the second highest but the number decrease considerably in lower-secondary students.
The tables give information about the data on Japanese children studying abroad in four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas.

It is
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clear
that the majority of Japanese
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student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
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North
America to study abroad in both
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school
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age
.
On the other hand
, the
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number
of Japanese
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student
study
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the Middle East".
in Middle East
is the lowest.

By the
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elementary
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school
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age
, the
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number
in
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North
America is
remarkably
high: 15, 915 which is at least as twice as Europe(7, 864) and as sixth as Asia(2, 632). On another hand, the
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number
of lower-secondary
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school
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age
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students
in
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North
America is
still
the highest
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but
compare with the
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elementary
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school
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age
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students
, this
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number
is three times lower. The total of two-school
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age
Japanese studying overseas in
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North
America is 20, 848.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that Middle East had the lowest
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number
of Japanese
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student
, at 373
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elementary
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students
and 123 lower-secondary
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students
. Following is Europe with the total of Japanese
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student
in both
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age
is 10, 564. It is worth nothing that the
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numbers
of
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elementary
Japanese
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student
in Europe is the second highest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
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number
decrease
considerably
in lower-secondary
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students
.

IELTS academic The table below shows the number of Japanese children of school age studying overseas.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
189 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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