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the table below shows the most popular types of holiday activities amongst British senior high students in 2003

the table below shows the most popular types of holiday activities amongst British senior high students in 2003 PV7DE
the given table illustrates some categories of holiday activities which are fairly common to the senior high school students in Britain in 2003. in general, sleeping, resting and watching movies are the three activities that have the most students involved in, while self-education and gardening are the least popular among both male and female students. First, reading is quite beloved by female students, as it has 16 people attend, in terms of male student this activity is the 3rd unpopular one, only 8 students participate in. Similarly, shopping activity only attracts female students'attention as it has 22 people envoled in, meanwhile the figure of male students attending is 8. With regarding to playing sports most boys are keen on doing this activity, the figure of its was 31 people, while the number of female students participating in is only nearly one quater. Second, sleeping/resting is the activity that is popular to both female and male students the figure of its is 25 and 15 respectively. Likewise watching movies, this activity has the highest people attending in both male and female, the former is 23, the latter is 27. As for these other two activities, they are the two most unpopular avtivities, only a few students participate in.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
table illustrates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
categories of holiday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which are
fairly
common to the senior high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in Britain in 2003.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
general, sleeping, resting and watching movies are the three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that have the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
involved in, while self-education and gardening are the least popular among both male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
First
, reading is quite beloved by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, as it has 16
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attend, in terms of male
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student
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is the 3rd unpopular one,
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only
8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
participate in.
Similarly
, shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
attracts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
students'attention as it has 22
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
envoled
in, meanwhile the figure of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
attending is 8. With
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
playing sports most boys are keen on doing this
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activity
, the figure of its was 31
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people
, while the number of
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female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
participating in is
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only
nearly
one
Possible spelling mistake found.
quater
. Second, sleeping/resting is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
that is
popular to both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
and male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
the figure of its is 25 and 15
respectively
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Likewise
watching movies, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
has the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
attending in both male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
, the former is 23, the latter is 27. As for these other two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, they are the two most unpopular
Possible spelling mistake found.
avtivities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
participate in.
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IELTS academic the table below shows the most popular types of holiday activities amongst British senior high students in 2003

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
207 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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