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The bar graph illustrates the worldwide sales of four varieties of digital games (mobile phone games, online games, console games and, handheld games) between 2000 and 2006.

The bar graph illustrates the worldwide sales of four varieties of digital games (mobile phone games, online games, console games and, handheld games) between 2000 and 2006. PV76J
The bar graph illustrates the worldwide sales of four varieties of digital games (mobile phone games, online games, console games and, handheld games) between 2000 and 2006. Overall, it can be clearly seen that handheld games were the most sold-out games and they became increasingly more popular over the years. Similarly, the sales of online games and mobile phone games increased whilst the sale of console games declined during the six year period. In 2000, handheld games and console games were sold for approximately 12 billion USD and 6 billion USD respectively. Handheld games continued to increase in sales and reached peak sales of around 17 billion USD in 2006. By contrast, the sales of console games decreased steadily and plummeted to around 3 USD in 2006. Online games started becoming available in 2001 and their sales increased steadily over the years. Mobile games hit the market in the following year and saw an increase in sales in the next four years. Whereas in 2001 online games worth a little over 1 billion USD were sold, their sales hit 8. 5 billion USD in 2006. On the other hand, the sales of mobile phone games rose from 2 billion USD in 2002 to over 7 billion USD in 2006.
The bar graph illustrates the worldwide
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sales
of four varieties of digital
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games
(mobile phone
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games
,
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online
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games
,
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console
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games
and, handheld
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games)
between 2000 and 2006.

Overall
, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that handheld
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games
were the most sold-out
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
games and
they became
increasingly
more popular
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over
the years.
Similarly
, the
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sales
of
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online
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games
and mobile phone
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games
increased whilst the
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sale
of
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console
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games
declined during the six
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year
period. In 2000, handheld
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games
and
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console
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games
were sold
for approximately 12
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billion
USD and 6
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billion
USD
respectively
. Handheld
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games
continued to increase in
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sales
and reached peak
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sales
of around 17
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billion
USD in 2006. By contrast, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of
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console
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games
decreased
steadily
and plummeted to around 3 USD in 2006.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
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games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
becoming available in 2001 and their
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sales
increased
steadily
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over
the years. Mobile
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games
hit the market in the following
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year
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
an increase in
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sales
in the
next
four years. Whereas in 2001
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online
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games
worth a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
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over
1
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billion
USD
were sold
, their
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sales
hit 8. 5
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billion
USD in 2006.
On the other hand
, the
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sales
of mobile phone
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games
rose from 2
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billion
USD in 2002 to
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over
7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
USD in 2006.

IELTS academic The bar graph illustrates the worldwide sales of four varieties of digital games (mobile phone games, online games, console games and, handheld games) between 2000 and 2006.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
209 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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