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The table below show the profile of age group

The table below show the profile of age group LB6NV
The information provided in the table is concerning the age profile of visitors distributed between backpacking holidays and guided tours in New Zealand in the year of 2005 and the pie chart indicates a satisfaction report about their holidays. Overall, it can be seen clearly that the vast majority of backpacking belongs to the youngest age group while the oldest age group preferred to guided tours. Furthermore, almost all people expressed a high satisfaction rate in the given year. In terms of the table, the age profile of people in the two different groups varied considerably. The highest proportion of backpacking belong to people aged 18-30 which was the least of guided tours in the list ranking at 7%. The opposite was true for the oldest age group which accounted for over a half of those on guided tours, despite making up 10% of backpackers. Besides, the age profile for both backpacking and guided tours include roughly a nearly equal percentage from visitors aged 31-40. According to the pie chart, the overwhelming majority of holiday’s surveyor (83%) was highly satisfied, followed by 10% of people choosing “no” while a mere 7% expressed “not sure”.
The information provided in the table
The verb 'concerning' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is concerning
the
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age
profile of visitors distributed between backpacking holidays and
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guided
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tours
in New Zealand in the year of 2005 and the pie chart indicates a satisfaction report about their holidays.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
clearly
that the vast majority of backpacking belongs to the youngest
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age
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group
while the oldest
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age
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group
preferred to
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guided
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tours
.
Furthermore
, almost all
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people
expressed a high satisfaction rate in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
year.

In terms of the table, the
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age
profile of
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people
in the two
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different
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groups
varied
considerably
. The highest proportion of backpacking belong to
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people
aged 18-30 which was the least of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tours
in the list ranking at 7%. The opposite was true for the oldest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
which accounted for over a half of those on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guided
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tours
, despite making up 10% of backpackers.
Besides
, the
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age
profile for both backpacking and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tours
include roughly a
nearly
equal percentage from visitors aged 31-40.

According to the pie chart, the overwhelming majority of holiday’s surveyor (83%) was
highly
satisfied, followed by 10% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choosing “no” while a mere 7% expressed “not sure”.
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IELTS academic The table below show the profile of age group

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
194 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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