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overseas workers there were in Paris, Kuala Lumpur, Hanoi and Bombay over a 5-year period from 2000 to 2001

overseas workers there were in Paris, Kuala Lumpur, Hanoi and Bombay over a 5-year period from 2000 to 2001 5396A
The chart shows how many new overseas workers there were in Paris, Kuala Lumpur, Hanoi and Bombay over a 5-year period from 2000 to 2001. It is readily apparent from the data that, overall, the number of new foreign employers fluctuated dramatically in the whole period in four cities. However, 2003 witnessed the highest number, in Paris, and also the lowest number, in Kuala Lumpur. Afterwards, the number of workers hit a peak approximately 750, 000, then it decreased to 600, 000 workers in the last year. Looking at the information in greater detail, it can be seen that workers in Paris remained stable in the first two years for 400, 000 workers and dropped to 250, 000 workers in 2002. In Bombay, the number of employees rose gradually from 230, 000 employers to 500, 000 employers in 2003. Besides, it nose-dived suddenly similar to the first year. In addition, the number of new workers in other two cities fluctuated substantially. In Hanoi, it had the highest number of workers in 2002 and hit the lowest point in 2004, while the number of employers increased progressively in Kuala Lumpur in the whole period.
The chart
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shows
how
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many
new overseas
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workers
there were in Paris, Kuala Lumpur, Hanoi and Bombay over a 5-year period from 2000 to 2001. It is
readily
apparent from the data that,
overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of new foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
fluctuated
dramatically
in the whole period in four cities.
However
, 2003 witnessed the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
, in Paris, and
also
the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
, in Kuala Lumpur. Afterwards, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
hit a peak approximately 750, 000, then it decreased to 600, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in the last year.

Looking at the information in greater detail, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in Paris remained stable in the
first
two years for 400, 000
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workers
and dropped to 250, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in 2002.

In Bombay, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of employees rose
gradually
from 230, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
to 500, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
in 2003.
Besides
, it nose-dived
suddenly
similar to the
first
year.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in other two cities fluctuated
substantially
. In Hanoi, it had the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in 2002 and hit the lowest point in 2004, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
increased
progressively
in Kuala Lumpur in the whole period.
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IELTS academic overseas workers there were in Paris, Kuala Lumpur, Hanoi and Bombay over a 5-year period from 2000 to 2001

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
193 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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