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The table below provides information about Railways in six different countries

The table below provides information about Railways in six different countries kb8GK
The table illustrates the subway nework in six different cities with some additional data on the establishment, miles covered, and several passengers traveling in a year. Overall, the number of people using the rail system is 4000 million per year approximately. Following this Tokyo has the highest number of passengers. However, Paris crossed the longest kilometers and the smallest was Kyoto. Moreover, the London railroad is the oldest among the countries on the list. Firstly, in 1863 the London Underground system was built and composed of 394 kilometers with 775 passengers per year. Tokyo ranks first with 1927 people traveling annually. Paris was just under 736 million approximately smaller than Tokyo. On the other hand, the Kyoto started in 1981 had smallest distance of 11 kilometres with least passengers comprised of 45 million respectively. Then, the latest Los Angeles metro area was 28 kilometers with 50 million people in a year.
The table illustrates the subway
Possible spelling mistake found.
nework
in six
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cities with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
additional data on the establishment, miles covered, and several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passengers
traveling in a year.

Overall
, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
using the rail system is 4000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
per year approximately. Following this Tokyo has the highest number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passengers
.
However
, Paris crossed the longest kilometers and the smallest was Kyoto.
Moreover
, the London railroad is the oldest among the countries on the list.

Firstly
, in 1863 the London Underground system
was built
and composed of 394 kilometers with 775
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passengers
per year. Tokyo ranks
first
with 1927
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
traveling
annually
. Paris was
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just
under 736
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
approximately smaller than Tokyo.

On the other hand
, the Kyoto
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
in 1981 had
A determiner is probably missing here: "the smallest".
smallest
distance of 11
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometres' is British English.
kilometres
with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passengers
comprised of 45
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
respectively
. Then, the latest Los Angeles metro area was 28 kilometers with 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in a year.

IELTS academic The table below provides information about Railways in six different countries

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
151 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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