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The Table below gives information on gende,,marital status and age of employees in the retail and manufacturing industries in one country.

The given table highlights the two different industrial sectors employees, which are categorised by sex, marital states, and ages in a particular nation. Overall, it can be seen that the most male working give service in the manufacturing department. However major women workers tend to work in retail sector. At first glance, slightly less than two -third of men work at manufacturing sector. However, opposite gender employees ratio is only 35% in same sector. Even if, more than two - third of manufacturing department's workers are married. Similarly, less than one - third workers age is between 29 and 39. Whereas only 8% workers are over 62 plus ageMoreover, majority women (53%)are fascinated to wot on retail sector that man. Also Adult (28 to 39) and mature (40 to 51) are in retail sector department at 36% and 34% respectively. Whereas, 62 plus workers ratio is only 4%. Eventhough, 39% of retail sector workers are single.
The
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given
table highlights the two
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different
industrial
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sectors
employees, which are
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categorised
by sex, marital states, and ages in a particular nation.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the most male working give service in the manufacturing department.
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However
major women
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workers
tend to work in
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retail
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sector
. At
first
glance,
slightly
less than two -third of
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men
work at manufacturing
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sector
.
However
, opposite gender employees ratio is
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only
35% in same
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sector
. Even if, more than two
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-
third of manufacturing department's
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workers
are married
.
Similarly
, less than one
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-
third
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workers
age is between 29 and 39. Whereas
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only
8%
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workers
are over 62 plus
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ageMoreover
, majority women (53%)
are fascinated
to wot on
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retail
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sector
that
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man
.
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Also
Adult (28 to 39) and mature (40 to 51) are in
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retail
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sector
department at 36% and 34%
respectively
. Whereas, 62 plus
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workers
ratio is
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only
4%.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eventhough
, 39% of
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retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are single.
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IELTS academic The Table below gives information on gende, , marital status and age of employees in the retail and manufacturing industries in one country.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
156 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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