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the table below gives information about students enrolments at bristol university in 1928, 1958, 2008

the table below gives information about students enrolments at bristol university in 1928, 1958, 2008 JoLgj
The table illustrates the number of the student getting into bristol university during 1928, 1958, and 2008. Overall, there was an exponential increase in students taking admission into the university and by 2008 more than one-quarter of students came from abroad. In 1928, there was only 218 scholar who had taken admission into the university which contains 42% of female and 58% of male and half of them came from within 30 miles of the university campus. Out of 218, there are only 5% of undergraduates came from 3 other nations. Meanwhile, by 1958, the total number of students getting admission increased 5 folds but the decline of 10% in female gender in observed as well as a decline in people from the nearby area is also noticed. After 50 years, the number of the fresh student getting admission increased 6 times and reached 6377 whereas the population of females in university had reached its peak of 54% while most students now came from the faraway places as more the one-quarter of freshman were now from 98 foreign places.
The table illustrates the number of the
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student
getting into
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bristol
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university
during 1928, 1958, and 2008.

Overall
, there was an exponential increase in
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students
taking
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admission
into the
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university
and by 2008 more than one-quarter of
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students
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came
from abroad.

In 1928, there was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
218
Possible agreement error. The noun 'scholar' seems to be countable, so consider using: "scholars".
scholar
who had taken
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admission
into the
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university
which contains 42% of female and 58% of male and half of them
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came
from within
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
30 miles
of the
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university
campus. Out of 218, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5% of undergraduates
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came
from 3 other nations. Meanwhile, by 1958, the total number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
getting
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admission
increased 5 folds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the decline of 10% in female gender in observed
as well
as a decline in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from the nearby area is
also
noticed.

After 50 years, the number of the fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
increased 6 times and reached 6377 whereas the population of females in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
had reached its peak of 54% while most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
came
from the faraway places as more the one-quarter of freshman were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
from 98 foreign places.
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IELTS academic the table below gives information about students enrolments at bristol university in 1928, 1958, 2008

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
179 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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