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The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home.

The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home. OVgAy
The provided line graph and pie chart illustrate requirement of electricity at every hour in two different seasons in England and purposes of electricity in house of English people respectively. Overall, it is evident that in winter, the largest amount of electricity requires in evening; whereas, in summer, it needs in afternoon. The most use of electricity is gone on heating rooms and water by people of England. To begin with, at midnight, approximately 34000 units of electricity are demanded in winter; while, only 18000 unite are required in summer at same time. In winter, it gradually increases at 3 o'clock in the morning. Later, it decreases at around 7 o'clock and after again significantly rises and peaks to 49000 units of electricity at 9 o'clock in night. After 9 PM, it again falls and reaches to around 35000 units. On the other hand, in summer requirement of electricity remains in between 17000 units and 14000 units from midnight to noon. In afternoon, it climbs to the highest point 20000 units. After a fluctuation, it again raises to just under 20000 units at 11 o'clock in night. Apart from that, the highest proportion of electricity uses in an average English home for heating rooms and water, which is 52. 5%. The second highest amount(17. 5%) goes on ovens, kettles and washing machines. Moreover, lighting, TV, radio as well as vaccum cleaners, food mixers, electric tools use similar amount of electricity.
The provided line graph and pie chart illustrate requirement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
at every hour in two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
seasons in England and purposes of
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electricity
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
of English
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
respectively
.

Overall
, it is evident that in winter, the largest amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
requires in evening; whereas, in summer, it needs in afternoon. The most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
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electricity
is gone
on heating rooms and water by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of England.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, at midnight, approximately 34000
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units
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
are demanded
in winter; while,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
18000
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unite
are required
in summer at same time. In winter, it
gradually
increases at 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
o'clock
in the morning. Later, it decreases at around 7
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o'clock
and after again
significantly
rises and peaks to 49000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
at 9
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
o'clock
in night. After 9 PM, it again falls and reaches to around 35000 units.

On the other hand
, in summer requirement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
remains in between 17000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
and 14000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
from midnight to noon. In afternoon, it climbs to the highest point 20000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
. After a fluctuation, it again raises to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 20000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
at 11
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
o'clock
in night.

Apart from that, the highest proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
in an average English home for heating rooms and water, which is 52. 5%. The second highest amount(17. 5%) goes on ovens, kettles and washing machines.
Moreover
, lighting, TV, radio
as well
as
Possible spelling mistake found.
vaccum
cleaners, food mixers, electric tools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
similar amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
240 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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