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The survey of visitor satisfaction before and after the refurbishment of Ashdown museum

The survey of visitor satisfaction before and after the refurbishment of Ashdown museum jomop
The table illustrates the total number of visitors to Ashdown museum before and after it was refurbished, while the pie charts compare the satisfaction surveys of the visitors on their trip to the museum. To summarize this, the results of the visitor satisfaction are compared between the year before refurbishment and that after refurbishment. Before refurbishment, Ashdown museum had the total of 74000 visitors and most of them were not happy with the museum. Thus, it is shown that 40% of the visitors were dissatisfied on their visit to the museum. In contrary to this statement, 30% of the visitors felt satisfied with the museum while 15% of the visitors commented that they were extremely satisfied during their visit. However, as the survey showed the majority of the visitors being dissatisfied, Ashdown museum was set to be refurbished, which in fact was a huge success. During the year after refurbishment, the total visitors rose to 92000, and regarding this, 40% of the visitors were happy with the new museum whereas 15% of the visitors stated that they were greatly satisfied with the result of the refurbishment.
The table illustrates the total number of
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visitors
to
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Ashdown
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museum
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before
and after it
was refurbished
, while the pie charts compare the satisfaction surveys of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
on their trip to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
To summarize
this, the results of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitor
satisfaction
are compared
between the year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
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refurbishment
and that after refurbishment.

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Before
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refurbishment
,
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Ashdown
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museum
had the total of 74000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
and most of them were not happy with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
Thus
, it
is shown
that 40% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
were dissatisfied
on their visit to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. In contrary to this statement, 30% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
felt satisfied with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
while 15% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
commented that they were
extremely
satisfied during their visit.

However
, as the survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
being dissatisfied
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ashdown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
was set
to
be refurbished
, which in fact was a huge success. During the year after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refurbishment
, the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
rose to 92000, and regarding this, 40% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
were happy with the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
whereas 15% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
stated that they were
greatly
satisfied with the result of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
refurbishment
.
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IELTS academic The survey of visitor satisfaction before and after the refurbishment of Ashdown museum

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
186 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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