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The statistics of tourists to Scotland who visited went to the various attractions

The statistics of tourists to Scotland who visited went to the various attractions W88qb
Overall, Zoo had the least passengers in the whole period. There were increasing trends in Zoo and Castle for the duration of the period shown in the line graph. Firstly, the attractions that had downward trends were Aquarium and Festival. There was a striking alteration that the gap between them was 10% at the beginning of the period in 1980 and 2010, it altered to approximately 20%. The line graph of the percentage of visitors to Aquarium started at 20% at the beginning and peaked at nearly 35% after 15 years and there was a plummet that made the number turned back to the beginning in 1990, it gradually rose in the next 15 years and commenced falling sharply then hit the bottom at below 10%. The line graph of people visiting Castle was not changing too much, it started at 30% at the beginning and slowly decreased to nearly 26% in 2010. In addition, both of them converged two times in 1983 and 1987.
Overall
, Zoo had the least passengers in the whole period. There were increasing trends in Zoo and Castle for the duration of the period shown in the line graph.

Firstly
, the attractions that had downward trends were Aquarium and Festival. There was a striking alteration that the gap between them was 10% at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beginning
of the period in 1980 and 2010, it altered to approximately 20%. The line graph of the percentage of visitors to Aquarium
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at 20% at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beginning
and peaked at
nearly
35% after 15 years and there was a plummet that made the number turned back to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beginning
in 1990, it
gradually
rose in the
next
15 years and commenced falling
sharply
then hit the bottom at below 10%. The line graph of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visiting Castle was not changing too much, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at 30% at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beginning
and
slowly
decreased to
nearly
26% in 2010.
In addition
, both of them converged two times in 1983 and 1987.
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IELTS academic The statistics of tourists to Scotland who visited went to the various attractions

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
165 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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