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the share of population donating money to charity in the UK in 1990 and 2010

Bar chart: The bar chart illustrates the data about the share of population donating money to charity in the UK in 1990 and 2010. Looking at the chart as a whole, in 1990 younger people aged from 18 to 50 gave more money while in 2010 elder people aged from 51 and above spent more money on charity. For people whose ages varies between 18 and 25 the percentage of donating population in 1990 was over twice as much as in 2010 (about 17% and 7% respectively). Following this trend, over two fifth of donators aged from 36 to 50 gave more money in 1990 while in 2010 only more than one third of population donated. The same thing can be said about the age group between other 2 groups represented. In contrast, for elderly people who are 51 or above, share of British populace spending money on charity purposes is higher in 2010 than in 1990. Almost 40% of people aged between 51 and 65 gave money to donation in 2010, however only 35 % of population donated in 1990.
Bar chart: The bar chart illustrates the data about the share of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
donating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to charity in the UK in 1990 and 2010. Looking at the chart as a whole, in 1990 younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
from 18 to 50 gave more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
while in 2010 elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
from 51 and above spent more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on charity.

For
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people
whose ages
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: “vary”.
varies
between 18 and 25 the percentage of donating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in 1990 was over twice as much as in 2010 (about 17% and 7%
respectively
). Following this trend, over two fifth of donators
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
from 36 to 50 gave more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in 1990 while in 2010
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
more than one third of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
donated. The same thing can
be said
about the age group between other 2 groups represented.

In contrast
, for elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are 51 or above, share of British populace spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on charity purposes is higher in 2010 than in 1990. Almost 40% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
between 51 and 65 gave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to donation in 2010,
however
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
35 % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
donated in 1990.
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IELTS academic the share of population donating money to charity in the UK in 1990 and 2010

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
181 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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