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The diagrom below shows the changes in cinema from 1980 until now.

The given diagram compares the changes in cinema structure from 1980 till present. Overall, It can be seen that, the number of cinema hall significantly increased over time. Also, recreational room and DVD shop were installed whereas car parking was completely removed as a part of redevelopment. With regards to cinema hall, three new theaters were added thus making the count to increase from two in 1980 to five in present day. Moreover, car parking which took majority of space in 1980, was demolished later and readjustment of theaters were made in the available space. In addition to cinema halls, recreational room and DVD shop were also introduced for people visiting theaters in current day as opposed to no relaxation room and DVD shop back in 1980. Additionally, Foods were also included along with drinks.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
diagram compares the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
structure from 1980 till present.

Overall
, It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
hall
significantly
increased over time.
Also
, recreational room and DVD shop
were installed
whereas car parking was completely removed as a part of redevelopment.

Use “in regard to”, “with regard to”, or more simply “regarding”.
With regards to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
hall, three new theaters were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
thus
making the count to increase from two in 1980 to five in present day.
Moreover
, car parking which took
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
space in 1980,
was demolished
later and readjustment of theaters
were made
in the available space.

In addition
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
halls, recreational room and DVD shop were
also
introduced for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visiting theaters in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
day as opposed to no relaxation room and DVD shop back in 1980.
Additionally
, Foods were
also
included along with drinks.

IELTS academic The diagrom below shows the changes in cinema from 1980 until now.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
135 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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