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The sale of Woodward chocolate bars

The sale of Woodward chocolate bars pAeL
The bar graph provides information about the comparative analysis on the sale of four broad Woodward chocolate bars, namely wuzzle bar, woody bar, woody bar, wachi bar and wozic bar in 2010. The data has been calibrated in millions. Overall, it is vivid that, the sale of woody bar increased as compared to other over the given time frame. Prima facie, it is conspicuous that in quarter1 the lions share was held by wachi bar with almost 56 million. It was followed by wozic bar and wuzzle bar, their respective figures were roundly 47 million and 19 million. The least sale was of chocolate in woody bar that was just 10 million. from April to June wachi bar sharply decreased and arrived at nearly 21 million. In next quarter it further declined and reached at mearly 10 million and in last quarter it remained same. From quarter2 to quarter4 woody bar swiftly climbed and approached at 40 million in last quarter. Further scrutinizing and extracting the key feathers, sale of wuzzle bar and wozic bar was almost same, accounted at 20 million in second quarter. From July to September 50 million chocolate bars were sold in wuzzle bar and wozic bar, constituting 40 million and 10 million severally. In quarter4 former sinked at 20 million while latter surged and approached at roughly 48 million.
The bar graph provides information about the comparative analysis on the
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sale
of four broad Woodward chocolate bars,
namely
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wuzzle
bar, woody bar, woody bar,
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wachi
bar and
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wozic
bar in 2010. The data has
been calibrated
in
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millions
.
Overall
, it is vivid that, the
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sale
of woody bar increased as compared to other over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time frame.
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Prima
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facie
, it is conspicuous that in
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quarter1
the lions share
was held
by
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wachi
bar with almost 56
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million
. It
was followed
by
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wozic
bar and
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wuzzle
bar, their respective figures were
roundly
47
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million
and 19
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million
. The least
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sale
was of chocolate in woody bar that was
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just
10
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million
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
from
April to June
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wachi
bar
sharply
decreased and arrived at
nearly
21
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million
. In
next
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quarter
it
further
declined and reached at
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mearly
10
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million
and in last
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quarter
it remained same. From
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quarter2
to
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quarter4
woody bar
swiftly
climbed and approached at 40
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million
in last
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quarter
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
scrutinizing and extracting the key feathers,
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sale
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
wuzzle
bar and
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wozic
bar was almost same, accounted at 20
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million
in second
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quarter
. From July to September 50
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million
chocolate bars
were sold
in
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wuzzle
bar and
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wozic
bar, constituting 40
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million
and 10
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million
severally
. In
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quarter4
former
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sinked
at 20
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million
while latter surged and approached at roughly 48
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million
.
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IELTS academic The sale of Woodward chocolate bars

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
224 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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