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The reason why people moved out to a capital city of a particular country.

The reason why people moved out to a capital city of a particular country. wKwLN
The chart provides information about the reasons why people moved out to capital city of a particular country over the course of 15 years starting from 2000 to 2015. It can be seen that all four reviewed criteria had an increasing impact on immigration over this period. In 2000 similar number of people migrated to meet their friends or family and to experience new adventures. These two criteria followed fairly similar pattern over 15 years, both remaining between 10000 and slightly greater than 20000. With regards to number of people moving out to study, it can be said that it began around 25000 and then peaked at about 90000 in 2015. Likewise, almost 60000 people relocated in 2000 to be employed in the capital city. This number reached its all time high in 2010 to roughly above 90000 and then dropped steadily to somewhat smaller than 90000 in 2015. Moreover, in 2015 equal number of people migrated to the capital city for the sake of employment or to study. It can be concluded that, number of people relocating to the capital city rose over this period. Employment and study respectively had the most notable influence on relocation. Whereas meeting family members and friends and going on an adventure played the least significant roles in people’s decision for immigration.
The chart provides information about the reasons why
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
out to
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capital
city of a particular country
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over
the course of 15 years starting from 2000 to 2015. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that all four reviewed criteria had an increasing impact on immigration
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over
this period.

In 2000 similar
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number
of
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people
migrated to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their friends or family and to experience new adventures. These two criteria followed
fairly
similar pattern
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over
15 years, both remaining between 10000 and
slightly
greater than 20000.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
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number
of
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people
moving out to study, it can
be said
that it began around 25000 and then peaked at about 90000 in 2015.
Likewise
, almost 60000
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people
relocated in 2000 to
be employed
in the
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capital
city. This
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number
reached its
It appears that a hyphen is missing in the adjective "all-time"
all time
high in 2010 to roughly above 90000 and then dropped
steadily
to somewhat smaller than 90000 in 2015.
Moreover
, in 2015 equal
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
migrated to the
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capital
city for the sake of employment or to study.

It can
be concluded
that,
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relocating to the
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capital
city rose
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over
this period. Employment and study
respectively
had the most notable influence on relocation. Whereas meeting family members and friends and going on an adventure played the least significant roles in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
decision for immigration.
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IELTS academic The reason why people moved out to a capital city of a particular country.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
218 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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