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The provided pie chart illustrates the information about the student choose the workplace sector after graduation inb brighton University in 2019

The provided pie chart illustrates the information about the student choose the workplace sector after graduation inb brighton University in 2019 GJdye
The provided pie chart illustrates the information about the students who choose the 10 differents workplace sectors after their graduation in brighton University during 2019. The data is calibrated in percentage. Overall, it is manifest that, in brighton University, the highest learners choose the the service industries as a workplace after their graduation, while the least preferred sport and charity. To commence with, 33% learners preface service industries as a employment sector in Brighton University. However, the manufacturing, and politics and government sector, it accounted for 16. 3 %and 12. 1% respectively. Likewise, the education sector was about 14. 7 %. On the other hand the transportation, ware housing and science or technology had similar difference of their ratio about 7. 8% and 7. 3% correspondingly. Moving further, the ratio of graduation students who choose the civil service was 5. 6 %. At last the least popular sector was sports and charity which had similar difference under 1% of graduations. In 2019, about 2. 8% students took a job in other mojar.
The provided pie chart illustrates the information about the students who choose the 10
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differents
workplace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduation
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
brighton
University during 2019. The data
is calibrated
in percentage.

Overall
, it is manifest that, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
brighton
University, the highest learners choose
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
service industries as a workplace after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduation
, while the least preferred sport and charity.

To commence with, 33% learners preface service industries as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
in Brighton University.
However
, the manufacturing, and politics and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
, it accounted for 16. 3
Possible spelling mistake found.
%and
12. 1%
respectively
.
Likewise
, the education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
was about 14. 7 %.
On the other hand
the transportation, ware housing and science or technology had similar difference of their ratio about 7. 8% and 7. 3%
correspondingly
.

Moving
further
, the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduation
students who choose the civil service was 5. 6 %. At last the least popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
was sports and charity which had similar difference under 1% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduations
. In 2019, about 2. 8% students took a job in other
Possible spelling mistake found.
mojar
.
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IELTS academic The provided pie chart illustrates the information about the student choose the workplace sector after graduation inb brighton University in 2019

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
172 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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