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The provided line graph illustrates the pattern of crime incidents occured in the city of New Port in 10 consecutive years, wherein the figures are differentiated in three categories: burglary, car theft and robbery

The provided line graph illustrates the pattern of crime incidents occured in the city of New Port in 10 consecutive years, wherein the figures are differentiated in three categories: burglary, car theft and robbery wewRn
The provided line graph illustrates the pattern of crime incidents occured in the city of New Port in 10 consecutive years, wherein the figures are differentiated in three categories: burglary, car theft and robbery. Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that all types of crime declined in this city between 2003 and 2012. While burglary recorded a descent by half, an insignificant drop was witnessed in car theft and robbery. By 2003, nearly 3500 incidents of burglary had occurred, seven times more likely than street robbery and also 800 crimes superior to that of car theft. In 2004, except for street robbery, there was a culmination in the remaining figures, in which 3700 and 2800 crimes were how much burglary and car theft got. Whereas the number of robbery incidents was on the rise to reach its peak a year later ( roughly 2700 cases ). 2008 was an interesting year, wherein not only was burglary at the bottom, but car theft and street burglary were also at their lowest point. In detail, burglary touched their nadir at 1200 cases after four years of inclination, two-fold higher than street robbery. Car theft, in the interim, accounted for only 2200 crimes but was at the first place compared to others. This relationship remained unchanged at the end of the period, with the data of burglary lying between the two extremes (approximately 1400 cases).
The provided line graph illustrates the pattern of
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crime
incidents
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "occurred", the past tense form of the verb 'occur'?
occured
in the city of New Port in 10 consecutive years, wherein the figures
are differentiated
in three categories:
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burglary
,
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car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theft
and robbery.

Looking from an
overall
perspective, it is
readily
apparent that all types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
declined in this city between 2003 and 2012. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
burglary
recorded a descent by half, an insignificant drop
was witnessed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theft
and robbery.

By 2003,
nearly
3500 incidents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
burglary
had occurred, seven times more likely than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
robbery
and
also
800
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crimes
superior to that of
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car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theft
. In 2004,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
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street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
robbery
, there was a culmination in the remaining figures, in which 3700 and 2800
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
were how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
burglary
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
the number of
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robbery
incidents was on the rise to reach its peak a
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year
later
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
roughly 2700 cases
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
.

2008 was an interesting
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year
, wherein not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
was
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burglary
at the bottom,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theft
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
burglary
were
also
at their lowest point. In detail,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
burglary
touched their nadir at 1200 cases after four years of inclination, two-fold higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
robbery
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theft
, in the interim, accounted for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
was at the
first
place compared to others. This relationship remained unchanged at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period, with the data of
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burglary
lying between the two extremes (approximately 1400 cases).
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IELTS academic The provided line graph illustrates the pattern of crime incidents occured in the city of New Port in 10 consecutive years, wherein the figures are differentiated in three categories: burglary, car theft and robbery

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
235 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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