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The provided bar chart above depicts four leisure activities that Canadian children enjoy doing such as sports, computer games, music and shopping.

The provided bar chart above depicts four leisure activities that Canadian children enjoy doing such as sports, computer games, music and shopping. RVgoW
The provided bar chart above depicts four leisure activities that Canadian children enjoy doing such as sports, computer games, music and shopping. Overall, it is clear that boys are fond of going shopping the most while girls prefer listening to music rather than doing other activities in their free time. The percentage of boys shopping is nearly 34%, twice as much compared to that of lads playing computer games. Moreover, the rate of male children who are keen on playing sports and listening to music in their spare time is roughly 26% and 18%, respectively. On the other hand, there is a marginally twofold difference between the percentage of ladies playing sport (10%) and that of female children going shopping (5%). Regarding the chart, the rate of girls who are fond of listening to music (about 18%) is more than that of lassies love playing computer game (just under 15%).
The provided bar chart above depicts four leisure activities that Canadian children enjoy doing such as sports, computer games,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and shopping.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that boys are fond of going shopping the most while girls prefer listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
rather
than doing other activities in their free time.

The percentage of boys shopping is
nearly
34%, twice as much compared to that of lads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer games.
Moreover
, the rate of male children who are keen on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
sports and listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in their spare time is roughly 26% and 18%,
respectively
.

On the other hand
, there is a
marginally
twofold difference between the percentage of ladies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
sport (10%) and that of female children going shopping (5%). Regarding the chart, the rate of girls who are fond of listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
(about 18%) is more than that of lassies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer game (
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 15%).
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IELTS academic The provided bar chart above depicts four leisure activities that Canadian children enjoy doing such as sports, computer games, music and shopping.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
150 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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