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the proportion of the cause of stress in four various age groups (25-54years,55-64years,65-74year,75years plus) in Denmark.

the proportion of the cause of stress in four various age groups (25-54years, 55-64years, 65-74year, 75years plus) in Denmark. Jq8ea
The given bar chart illustrates the proportion of the cause of stress in four various age groups (25-54years, 55-64years, 65-74year, 75years plus) in Denmark. The general overview here is that the highest cause of stress for people who has up to 55 years old is have no particular reason, whereas working too much was the most of stressing cause for people age 25-54 years group. As it can be seen from the chart, having no particular reason causing for stress in age 75 years plus the most about just over 30 per cent, which only 5 per cent and over 15 per cent higher than group of age 65-74 years and 55-64years, and slight stress causing for group of people 25-54years. Similarly, in term of the own health problems causing for people in 75 years plus group the most, with almost 25 percent, followed by at other three groups with the figure of exactly 15 per cent in group of 65-74 years and just over 10 per cent in group of 55-64 years and only 4 per cent in group of 25-54 years. On the contrary, the number of people age 25-54 who stress from working too much indicated exactly 25 per cent, which 10 per cent higher than group of 55-64 years, and its amount was 2. 5-fold higher than group of age 65-74years and 75 years plus. Moreover, The group that was most stressed about having no money was age group 25-54 and the number will decrease as the age group increases
The
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given
bar chart illustrates the proportion of the cause of
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stress
in four various
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age
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groups
(25-54years, 55-64years,
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65-74year
, 75years plus) in Denmark. The general overview here is that the highest cause of
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stress
for
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people
who
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
up to 55 years
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old
is
Consider using a past participle here: "had".
have
no particular reason, whereas working too much was the most of stressing cause for
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people
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age
25-54 years group.

As it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the chart, having no particular reason causing for
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stress
in
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age
75 years plus the most about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 30 per cent, which
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only
5 per cent and over 15 per cent higher than
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group
of
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age
65-74 years and 55-64years, and slight
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stress
causing for
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group
of
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people
25-54years.
Similarly
, in term of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
health problems causing for
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people
in 75 years plus
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group
the most, with almost 25 percent, followed by at other three
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groups
with the figure of exactly 15 per cent in
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group
of 65-74 years and
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just
over 10 per cent in
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group
of 55-64 years and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
4 per cent in
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group
of 25-54 years.

On the contrary
, the number of
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
25-54 who
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stress
from working too much indicated exactly 25 per cent, which 10 per cent higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 55-64 years, and its amount was 2. 5-fold higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
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age
65-74years and 75 years plus.
Moreover
, The
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group
that was most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
about having no money was
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
25-54 and the number will decrease as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
increases

IELTS academic the proportion of the cause of stress in four various age groups (25-54years, 55-64years, 65-74year, 75years plus) in Denmark.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
253 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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