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The graph illustrates the comparison of labour force employment rate of five distinguish fields in the USA, from 1930 to 2010.

The graph illustrates the comparison of labour force employment rate of five distinguish fields in the USA, from 1930 to 2010. brwVB
The graph illustrates the comparison of labour force employment rate of five distinguish fields in the USA, from 1930 to 2010. As transparent from the graph, there was an increasing trend among four categories with the exception of farming, fishing and foresting over the survey period. In 1930, Industrial accounted for the lowest percentage while farming, fishing and foresting was the highest. In 1930, farming and foresting reached a peak, however, recorded a slightly decline to around 60% in 1970. Likewise, other services also decreased mildly. By contrast, technical witnessed a tenfold rise in the same pace. Meanwhile, sales and office share the same pattern with industrial, both experienced a period of stability in course of a half of reporting term. In 2010, there were some significant changes. In details, farming, fishing and foresting underwent a dramatic collapse to almost on the ground. On the other hand, industrial substantially soared to the most employment, stood at 30%, in comparison with industrial, sales and offices as well as technical did a steadily grow, at around 25%. Nonetheless, others service remained constant figure.
The graph illustrates the comparison of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force employment rate of five distinguish fields in the USA, from 1930 to 2010.

As transparent from the graph, there was an increasing trend among four categories
Consider using "except" or "except for"
with the exception of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
, fishing and foresting over the survey period. In 1930,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Industrial
accounted for the lowest percentage while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
, fishing and foresting was the highest.

In 1930,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
and foresting reached a peak,
however
, recorded a
You used an adverb ('slightly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('decline') instead of another adjective.
slightly decline
to around 60% in 1970.
Likewise
, other services
also
decreased
mildly
. By contrast, technical witnessed a tenfold rise in the same pace. Meanwhile, sales and office share the same pattern with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
, both experienced a period of stability in course of a half of reporting term.

In 2010, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
, fishing and foresting underwent a dramatic collapse to almost on the ground.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
substantially
soared to the most employment, stood at 30%,
in comparison
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
, sales and offices
as well
as technical did a
steadily
grow, at around 25%. Nonetheless, others service remained constant figure.
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IELTS academic The graph illustrates the comparison of labour force employment rate of five distinguish fields in the USA, from 1930 to 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
181 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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