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the proportion of commuters

the proportion of commuters DYpD6

The given bar charts clearly depicts information regarding the proportion of commuters in 4 particularly mode of transports. The 4 modes include train, car, tube, and bus. Overall, it can be noticeable that there are 2 general trends: an upward and a downward. In deep detail, it can be notice that the percentage of train and that of car experienced the upward trend. To be specific. The percentage of train escalated shortly from 18% in 1960 to 28% in 1980 and then dipped slightly to 22% in 2000. Meanwhile, although there was a dramatic boost from 7% at the beginning to 23% in 1980 and then a wide rise to 38% at the end. Conversely, the proportion of tube and bus underwent the downward trend; there was a modest decrease from 28% in 1960 to 22% in 1980 and then a short increase to 25% in 2000 in the proportion of tube. Likewise, the proportion of bus gradually declined from 38% to 27% in the first 20 years before plunging to 15% at the end of the period.

The This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :accorded
given
 bar charts clearly
 depicts information regarding the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withbulkscaleratiocapacityshareportion
proportion
 of commuters in 4 particularly
Possible agreement error. The noun 'mode' seems to be countable, so consider using: "modes".modes
mode
 of transports. The 4 modes include train, car, tube, and bus. Overall
, it can be noticeable that there are 2 general trends: an upward and a downward.

In deep detail, it can be notice that the percentage of train and that of car experienced the upward trend. To be specific. The percentage of train escalated shortly from 18% in 1960 to 28% in 1980 and then dipped slightly
 to 22% in 2000. Meanwhile, although there was a dramatic boost from 7% at the beginning to 23% in 1980 and then a wide rise to 38% at the This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :expiration
end
.

Conversely
, the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withbulkscaleratiocapacityshareportion
proportion
 of tube and bus underwent the downward trend; there was a modest decrease from 28% in 1960 to 22% in 1980 and then a short increase to 25% in 2000 in the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withbulkscaleratiocapacityshareportion
proportion
 of tube. Likewise
, the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withbulkscaleratiocapacityshareportion
proportion
 of bus gradually
 declined from 38% to 27% in the first
 20 years This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:previouslyprior to
before
 plunging to 15% at the This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :expiration
end
 of the period. 

IELTS academic the proportion of commuters

Academic

American English

3 paragraphs

178 words

6.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
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Include an introduction and conclusion
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Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 6.0

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 6.5

Answer all parts of the question
?
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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