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The proportion of British adults groups use the internet

The proportion of British adults groups use the internet 8x8Xw
The table illustrates the proportion of British adults groups who use the internet changed from October 2000 to October 2005. Overall, it is clear from the date that other three age groups has increased use internet, expected 16 to 24 year olds had not been reached a quarter in the past five years. Look at the data more detail, we can see that the most dramatic rose has been for 16 to 24 year olds, it increasing one fourth from October 2000 to October 2004. However, the age groups of 25 to 44 the figure had risen to 12% above to the other three age groups between October 2001 to 2002. On the other hand, 16 to 24 year olds has greatest internet usage but since 2002 lessed young adults used internet, there is predicted to be a decreased by 3%, reaching 87% by October 2005. Finally, all the age groups has seen steady used internet since October 2002, apart from age group of 16 to 24, the table shown the biggest potential age group was 45 to 54 year olds. It had been almost approached two fourth in the past five years.
The table illustrates the proportion of British adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
from October 2000 to October 2005.
Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the date that other three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
has increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
internet,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
16 to 24
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year
olds had not
been reached
a quarter in the past five years. Look at the data more detail, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the most dramatic rose has been for 16 to 24
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year
olds,
Did you mean "it's increasing", "it is increasing", or "it was increasing"?
it increasing
one fourth from October 2000 to October 2004.
However
, the
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
of 25 to 44 the figure had risen to 12% above to the other three
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age
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groups
between October 2001 to 2002.
On the other hand
, 16 to 24
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year
olds has
A determiner is probably missing here: "the greatest".
greatest
internet usage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
since 2002
Possible spelling mistake found.
lessed
young adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
internet, there
is predicted
to be a decreased by 3%, reaching 87% by October 2005.
Finally
, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
steady
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
internet since October 2002, apart from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 16 to 24, the table shown the biggest potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
was 45 to 54
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
olds. It had been almost approached two fourth in the past five years.
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IELTS academic The proportion of British adults groups use the internet

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
193 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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