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the process to make sugar is shown in the diagram

the process to make sugar is shown in the diagram NMG8W
The diagram illustrates the steps involved in the converting the raw material that is sugar cane into sugar. Overall, There are seven steps involved in the process. The raw material required to make sugar is sugar cane. The first step is to grow sugar canes. Normally they are grown for about 12 to 18 months. The next step is to harvest the produced sugar cane. Harvesting can be in two different ways. One is using the machines and other is by using manual labor. In the former process the cranes or trucks are used to cut the crop but in the later human worker is involved. In the later process, people use sickels and cut the crop by hand. After harvesting, the subsequent step is to crush the harvested sugar cane. When crushed it produces sugar cane juice. By using limestone, this juice is filtered to remove impurities. The next step is to heat the juice in an evaporator. When the juice is evaporated it is transforms into syrup. The penultimate step in the process is to centrifuge the syrup obtained in the previous step. By doing so, the sugar crystals will be separated from the syrup. The last step is to dry and cool these crystals. Finally, the sugar is ready to use.
The diagram illustrates the
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steps
involved in the converting the raw material
that is
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sugar
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cane
into sugar.

Overall
, There are seven
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steps
involved in the
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process
. The raw material required to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
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sugar
is
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sugar
cane.

The
first
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step
is to grow
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sugar
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canes
.
Normally
they
are grown
for about 12 to 18 months. The
next
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step
is to harvest the produced
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sugar
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cane
. Harvesting can be in two
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different
ways. One is using the machines and other is by using manual labor. In the former
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process
the cranes or trucks are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the crop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the later human worker
is involved
. In the later
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process
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
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sickels
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the crop by hand.

After harvesting, the subsequent
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step
is to crush the harvested
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sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cane
.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
crushed it produces
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sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cane
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juice
. By using limestone, this
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juice
is filtered
to remove impurities. The
next
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step
is to heat the
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juice
in an evaporator.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
the
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juice
is evaporated
it is transforms into syrup. The penultimate
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step
in the
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process
is to centrifuge the syrup obtained in the previous
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step
. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the
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sugar
crystals will
be separated
from the syrup. The last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
step
is to dry and cool these crystals.
Finally
, the
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sugar
is ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
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IELTS academic the process to make sugar is shown in the diagram

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
214 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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