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British parents on their children’s sports betw teheen m 2o0n0e8y a snpde 2n0t 1b4y. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

British parents on their children’s sports betw teheen m 2o0n0e8y a snpde 2n0t 1b4y. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period. BaeYp
The line graphs provide the information about the average monthly amount that parents from British spent on their children's sports activities and the number of children participated in three different types of sports between 2008 and 2014. It is clear that amount of money that parents used for their children's activities were significantly increase year after year. In terms of the number of students taking part increase, football was significantly more popular amoung any other sports that given by line graph. In 2008, British parents spent an average 20 pounds per a month for their kid's sports. Later the following years, parents investing on their children's sports gradually increase steadily, and by 2014 the average monthly amount has risen over 30 pounds. Following the amount of spending, in 2008 approximately over 8 millions of children involved in football, while around 2 million kids participated in swimming club and last than a million students played althletics. The figure for the football has remained stable over the following six years, while other sports has seem some development. By contrast, participants in swimming club slightly increase yearly and has over 3 million students at the end of 2014. In a mean time, the number of students played athletics has sky rocked to near 5 millions between 2010-2012, and remained consistently rest of the year 2014.
The line graphs provide the information about the average monthly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
from British spent on their children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities and the number of children participated in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
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sports
between 2008 and 2014.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
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amount
of money that
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parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for their children's activities were
significantly
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increase
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year
after
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year
. In terms of the number of
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students
taking part
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increase
, football was
significantly
more popular
Possible spelling mistake found.
amoung
any other
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sports
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by line graph.

In 2008, British
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parents
spent an average
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
20 pounds
per a month for their kid's
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sports
. Later the following years,
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parents
investing on their children's
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sports
gradually
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increase
steadily
, and by 2014 the average monthly
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amount
has risen
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over
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
30 pounds
.

Following the
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amount
of spending, in 2008 approximately
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over
8
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millions
of children involved in football, while around 2
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million
kids participated in swimming club and
Use "laster" to make a comparison with this adjective.
last
than a
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million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
played
Possible spelling mistake found.
althletics
. The figure for the football has remained stable
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over
the following six years, while other
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sports
has
Use past participle here: "seemed".
seem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
development. By contrast, participants in swimming club
slightly
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increase
yearly and has
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over
3
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million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of 2014. In a mean time, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
played athletics has sky rocked to near 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
between 2010-2012, and remained
consistently
rest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2014.
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IELTS academic British parents on their children’s sports betw teheen m 2o0n0e8y a snpde 2n0t 1b4y. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
222 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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