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the prevence of health problems is more important than treatment and medician. do you agree ?

the prevence of health problems is more important than treatment and medician. do you agree? kgloR
The bar chart equets expenditure of two countries on consumer iteams in the year 2010. this servey is about France and Uk. The given amount was in pounds. (British money) Overall, it describes how much money this two countries spend on coustemer goods. It is includes cars, computers, books, perfume, cameras. Uk spend more money on many things than france did. Firstly, In cars both the countries were spend most of the money. Uk and France spend 4 lacs and 4. 5 lacs in cars respectively. For purchasing computer items Uk spent around 3. 5 lacs and france spend 25000 more than that. Coming on the books section, Uk spent more money on it than france. france spend 3 lacs and Uk spend 4 lacs. secondly, both of the countries spend lowest money on the perfume department. France and Uk spend around 1. 5 lacs and 2 lacs on perfume. There were huge difference between spend money on cameras section. France spend 1. 5 lacs on it and Uk spend 2 more lacs on ith than France did. According to survey most of the money spend by the country was Uk expect the 2 departments.
The bar chart
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equets
expenditure of two
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countries
on consumer
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iteams
in the year 2010.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
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servey
is about France and
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Uk
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
amount was in pounds. (British money)

Overall
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
how much
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money
this two
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countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
coustemer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. It is includes cars, computers, books, perfume, cameras.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
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spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things than
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france
did.

Firstly
, In cars both the
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countries
were
Consider using a past participle here: "spent".
spend
most of the
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money
.
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Uk
and France
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spend
4
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lacs
and 4. 5
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lacs
in cars
respectively
. For purchasing computer items
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Uk
spent around 3. 5
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lacs
and
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france
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spend
25000 more than that. Coming on the books section,
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Uk
spent more
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money
on it than
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france
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
france
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spend
3
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lacs
and
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Uk
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spend
4
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lacs
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
, both of the
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countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
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money
on the perfume department. France and
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Uk
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spend
around 1. 5
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lacs
and 2
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lacs on
perfume. There were huge difference between
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spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on cameras section. France
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spend
1. 5
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lacs on
it and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
2 more
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lacs on
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ith
than France did. According to survey most of the
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money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
by the
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country
was
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
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expect
the 2 departments.
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IELTS academic the prevence of health problems is more important than treatment and medician. do you agree?

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
195 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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