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describe the line graph between unemployed recent graduates

describe the line graph between unemployed recent graduates PEjlE
The line graph exhibits the amount of unemployed recent graduates and non-graduatesin the population of 21 to 30-year-old. As it is observed, the figues have not changed significantly. We can see that the rate of the non-graduates is higher than the recent graduates. First of all, between 1990 and 2000 there was a decline in the number of unemployed recent graduates and non-graduates. Namely, the non-graduates decrease in 15% to less than 10% and the recent graduates plunge 10% to 5%. From the above data we can assess that the non-graduates drop stronger than the recent graduates. Beside, from 2000 to 2010 the percentage of the recent graduates was still steadiness at 5%. The other continued dropping in 2000 and uplifting slightly in 2010. Over the five years from 2010 to 2015, the number of both non-graduates and recent graduates returned to 1990’s percentage which were respectively 14% and 10%.
The line graph exhibits the amount of unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
non-graduatesin
the population of 21 to 30-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

As it
is observed
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
figues
have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
significantly
. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the rate of the non-graduates is higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
graduates.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, between 1990 and 2000 there was a decline in the number of unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
and non-graduates.
Namely
, the non-graduates decrease in 15% to less than 10% and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
plunge 10% to 5%. From the above data we can assess that the non-graduates drop stronger than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
graduates.

Beside, from 2000 to 2010 the percentage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
was
still
steadiness at 5%. The other continued dropping in 2000 and uplifting
slightly
in 2010. Over the five years from 2010 to 2015, the number of both non-graduates and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
returned to
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1990s".
1990’s
percentage which were
respectively
14% and 10%.
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IELTS academic describe the line graph between unemployed recent graduates

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
150 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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