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The presented column graphs show a distinction between two classes of graduate students; business and engineering first half-year events from two separate years at the same university.

The presented column graphs show a distinction between two classes of graduate students; business and engineering first half-year events from two separate years at the same university. qyjE
The presented column graphs show a distinction between two classes of graduate students; business and engineering first half-year events from two separate years at the same university. The graphs show that the majority of students in both groups are working, although the unemployment rate in engineering is marginally higher. Start about, roughly 62 percent of business graduates and nearly 73 percent of engineering graduates are recruited in their first year. In the coming year, the first-year workforce will steadily rise to about 5%; on the other hand, the second-year workforce will also increase by 2%, but not as much as the first-year workforce. In addition, approximately 28% of business professionals initiate their higher education while just 12% of engineers pursue advanced degrees. In contrast, the average dropped significantly last year to 3%, but it is still two-thirds higher than the 8% figure for group engineers. Meanwhile, only about 8% to 9% of business graduates move on to work or study, which takes time. Similarly, the skilled engineer ratio has been comparatively low in recent years, at 2%. Despite this, a small proportion of business graduates (2%) remained unemployed over the same time frame, despite the fact that the grade engineer ratio was much higher.
The presented column graphs
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show
a distinction between two classes of
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graduate
students;
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business
and engineering
first
half-year
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events
from two separate years at the same university. The graphs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that the majority of students in both groups are working, although the unemployment rate in engineering is
marginally
higher.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Start
about, roughly 62 percent of
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business
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graduates
and
nearly
73 percent of engineering
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graduates
are recruited
in their
first
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year
. In the coming
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year
, the
first
-year workforce will
steadily
rise to about 5%;
on the other hand
, the second-year workforce will
also
increase by 2%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not as much as the
first
-year workforce.

In addition
, approximately 28% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
professionals initiate their higher education while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
12% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineers
pursue advanced degrees.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
contrast, the average dropped
significantly
last
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year
to 3%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
still
two-thirds higher than the 8% figure for group
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engineers
. Meanwhile,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about 8% to 9% of
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business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
on to work or study, which takes time.
Similarly
, the skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineer
ratio has been
comparatively
low in recent years, at 2%. Despite this, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
(2%) remained unemployed over the same time frame, despite the fact that the grade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineer
ratio was much higher.
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IELTS academic The presented column graphs show a distinction between two classes of graduate students; business and engineering first half-year events from two separate years at the same university.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
204 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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