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The Populations of five different cities

The Populations of five different cities JLQRE
The line graph shows the of variation of population of five countries(Tehran, Beijing, New York City, Moscow and Lagos) from 1970 to 2010. In this illustration X axis denotes change in population and Y axis depicts the following years. It is observed that population Moscow was increasing linearly throughout this course of time whereas the population of Beijing showed maximum variations. Lagos experiences maximum growth in population that ranges from approximately 2000000 in 1970 to 18000000 in 2010. New York city on the other side is the only city in the list that observes a slight decrease in its population. Tehran almost follows the footsteps of Moscow as its population also increases linearly over the years. The race for the highest population is between Beijing and Lagos, while Beijing gains the top spot in later years, Lagos shows highest rate of increase in its population. New York however got a demotion from being a most populated city in 1970 to a least populated city in 2010
The line graph
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shows
the of variation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of five countries(Tehran, Beijing, New York City, Moscow and Lagos) from 1970 to 2010. In this illustration X axis denotes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
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population
and Y axis depicts the following years.

It
is observed
that
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population
Moscow was increasing
linearly
throughout this course of time whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of Beijing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
maximum variations. Lagos experiences maximum growth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
that ranges from approximately 2000000 in 1970 to 18000000 in 2010.

If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
New York city
on the other side is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
city in the list that observes a slight decrease in its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
. Tehran almost follows the footsteps of Moscow as its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
also
increases
linearly
over the years. The race for the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is between Beijing and Lagos, while Beijing gains the top spot in later years, Lagos
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
rate of increase in its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
. New York
however
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a demotion from being a most populated city in 1970 to
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
least populated city in 2010
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IELTS academic The Populations of five different cities

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
165 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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