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the plan for public park then and now

the plan for public park then and now MM5Mo
The pictorial diagram elicits the structure of grange park in 1920 and its transformation this days. To commence with, the year 1920, there was a fountain in the middle of the park and beside this there is a stage for musicians There are two entry point, and three rose garden at different position. If visitor enters in the park from the Eldom street, there is a glass house on the right side and on the left there is rose garden and on both the side there were seating arrangement for visitors. However, if person enter from Arnold avenue, There was garden on both the side with seats. Moreover, there is a small pond for water plants in the side of the corner. There is significant transformation in the park with some new addition. Firstly, glass house has been replaced with water feature and big fountain removed permanently and instead of that rose garden constructed covering seats on all the four sides. Secondly, the stage for musician converted into amphitheater for concerts. There is newly open café on the left side if entered from Arnold avenue and ponds for water plant has been converted into play area for children. Overall it can be observed that the fountain and glasshouse has been replaced with rose garden and water feature and installation of new café in the park.
The pictorial diagram elicits the structure of grange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
in 1920 and its transformation
It seems that a possessive apostrophe is missing.
this days
.

To commence with, the year 1920, there was a fountain in the middle of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
and beside this there is a stage for musicians There are two entry point, and three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
garden
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
position. If visitor enters in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eldom
street, there is a glass
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
on the right side and on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
there is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
garden
and on both the side there were seating arrangement for visitors.
However
, if person enter from Arnold avenue, There was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
garden
on both the side with seats.
Moreover
, there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
pond for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
plants in the side of the corner.

There is significant transformation in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new addition.
Firstly
, glass
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
has
been replaced
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
feature and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
fountain removed
permanently
and
instead
of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
garden
constructed covering seats on all the four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sides
.
Secondly
, the stage for musician converted into amphitheater for concerts. There is
newly
open café on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
side if entered from Arnold avenue and ponds for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
plant has
been converted
into play area for children.

Overall
it can
be observed
that the fountain and glasshouse has
been replaced
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
garden
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
feature and installation of new café in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
.
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IELTS academic the plan for public park then and now

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
225 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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