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The map show the difference between two villages in the year og 1962,1985 and now

The map show the difference between two villages in the year og 1962, 1985 and now 0AxlB
The map illustrate how Punjab and Goa, which is a neighboring towns, have developed over three different years (1962, 1985 and the present). Overall, it is vivid that Punjab increased in size and has become Punjab Suburb as it merged together with Goa. Furthermore, there have significant change in housing and facilities over the given period. In 1962, both Punjab and Goa were completely separate with no roads or rail connecting them. While Goa had a railway line running through to its north, Punjab, located to the west of Goa, it had only small road from west. By 1985, there was a considerable growth in the size of Punjab and Goa. The small road in Punjab had been converted into main road and it was extended to east to connect with Goa. Moreover, Punjab, had also developed a housing estate in the west, a leisure complex and supermarket in the south. Currently, both Punjab, which is now a suburb and Goa are joined. The railway lines which run through Goa, has been extended to the west where a train station has been built. To the north of the station, a hotel has been constructed and to the sought, there is now business park.
The map illustrate how Punjab and Goa, which is a neighboring
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "town"?
towns
, have developed over three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
years (1962, 1985 and the present).
Overall
, it is vivid that Punjab increased in size and has become Punjab Suburb as it merged together with Goa.
Furthermore
, there have significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in housing and facilities over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period. In 1962, both Punjab and Goa were completely separate with no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
or rail connecting them. While Goa had a railway line running through to its north, Punjab, located to the west of Goa, it had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
from west. By 1985, there was a considerable growth in the size of Punjab and Goa. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
in Punjab had
been converted
into main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
and it
was extended
Did you mean "too east to"?
to east to
connect with Goa.
Moreover
, Punjab, had
also
developed a housing estate in the west, a leisure complex and supermarket in the south.
Currently
, both Punjab, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a suburb and Goa are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
. The railway lines which run through Goa, has
been extended
to the west where a train station has
been built
. To the north of the station, a hotel has
been constructed
and to the sought, there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
business park.
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IELTS academic The map show the difference between two villages in the year og 1962, 1985 and now

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
203 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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