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The pie graphs below shows the leisures activities of boys and girls

The pie graphs below shows the leisures activities of boys and girls 3Axkd
The pie graphs provides the information about the children’s activities of boys and girls participated the cultural and leisures activities. Overall, Computer games has a large portion of boy’s activities, in contrast reading has a small fraction. Instead, Dancing and reading dominate a big number in girl’s activities and listening to music dominates the least In the first chart, it shows that 34% of the boys participated in computer games, in other words it’s the most participated activity for the boys, dominating more than a quarter of a graph. Following by Basketball which has 25% of participation rate. Soccer, Skateboarding and Listening to music are at 17%, 11% and 10% respectively. Putting Reading at the least participated activity with 2% rate Taking a closer look at the second chart, the most chosen activities is dancing, runs more than a quarter of a chart with 27% rate. In contrast to the boys, Reading dominates a big fraction of a girl’s chart with 21% rate which is about 10 times more. Following by Computer games, Netball and Gymnastics which have 16%, 15% and 11% of participation rate respectively. Listening to music is the least chosen activity for the girls, likewise it’s in the same percentage with the boys.
The pie graphs provides the information about the children’s
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activities
of
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boys
and
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girls
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participated
the cultural and
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leisures
activities.

Overall
, Computer games has a large portion of
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boy’s
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activities
,
in contrast
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reading
has a
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small
fraction.
Instead
, Dancing and
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reading
dominate a
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big
number

in
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girl’s
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activities
and listening to music dominates the least

In the
first
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chart
, it
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shows
that 34% of the
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boys
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participated
in computer games,
in other words
it’s the most
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participated
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activity
for the
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boys
, dominating more than a quarter of a graph. Following by Basketball which has 25% of participation
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rate
. Soccer, Skateboarding and Listening to music are at 17%, 11% and 10%
respectively
. Putting
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Reading
at the least
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participated
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activity
with 2%
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
rate


Taking a closer look at the second
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chart
, the most chosen
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activities
is dancing, runs more than a quarter of a
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chart
with 27%
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rate
.
In contrast
to the
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boys
,
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Reading
dominates a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
fraction of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girl’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
with 21%
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rate
which is about 10 times more. Following by Computer games, Netball and Gymnastics which have 16%, 15% and 11% of participation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
respectively
. Listening to music is the least chosen
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activity
for the
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girls
,
likewise
it’s in the same percentage with the
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boys
.
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IELTS academic The pie graphs below shows the leisures activities of boys and girls

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
206 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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