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The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009. 36jl
Above mentioned pie charts represents electricity generated from all sources plus the renewable sources of two countries i. e. Germany and France in the year 2009. The pie chart is furthermore divided into renewable sources and all sources. Both countries have above 500 billion kwh of electricity production, while France is behind Germany by 50 billlion kwh. In the "all types" chart, we can see three types of sources of electricity production they are; nuclear sources, renewable sources and conventional thermal source. Among which, renewable sources can be seen further divided into hydroelectric source, wind source, solar energy and biomass energy source. Unlike France, Germany has more amount of electricity production through conventional thermal source rather than nuclear source. Nuclear source is contributing a major role in France's electricity production which amounts to 76%. Among the remaining renewable source in Germany, biomass and wind energy has contributed roughly the same amount. However to the contrary, France depends majorly upon hydroelectricity above others in renewable resources. While, only a small amount has been contributing to the Germany's electricity. Both of the country donot have any geothermal source for electricity. There is almost negligible amount of contribution of the solar source in France's electricity production whereas it does contribute small to the Germany. From the pie charts, we can conclude that, both of the countries have different major source of electricity production, with nuclear energy being the major for france while conventional thermal source for Germany. In the same way, there's a huge difference in renewable sources too where France depends mostly in hydroelectricity while Germany depending majorly in biomass and wind energy.
Above mentioned pie
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charts
represents
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electricity
generated from all
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sources
plus the
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renewable
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sources
of two
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countries
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
Germany and France in the year 2009. The pie
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chart
is
furthermore
divided into
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renewable
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sources
and all sources.

Both
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countries
have above 500 billion
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kwh
of
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electricity
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production
, while France is behind Germany by 50
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billlion
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kwh
. In the
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"
all types
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
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chart
, we can
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see
three types of
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sources
of
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electricity
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production
they are; nuclear
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sources
,
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renewable
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sources
and conventional thermal
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source
. Among which,
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renewable
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sources
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
further
divided into hydroelectric
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source
, wind
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source
, solar
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energy
and biomass
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energy
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source
. Unlike France, Germany has more
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amount
of
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electricity
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production
through conventional thermal
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source
rather
than nuclear
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source
. Nuclear
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source
is contributing a major role in France's
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electricity
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production
which
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amounts
to 76%. Among the remaining
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renewable
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source
in Germany, biomass and wind
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energy
has contributed roughly the same
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amount
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
to the contrary, France depends
majorly
upon hydroelectricity above others in
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renewable
resources.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
,
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only
a
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small
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amount
has been contributing to the Germany's
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electricity
. Both of the
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country
Possible spelling mistake found.
donot
have any geothermal
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source
for
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electricity
. There is almost negligible
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amount
of contribution of the solar
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source
in France's
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electricity
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production
whereas it does contribute
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small
to the Germany.

From the pie
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charts
, we can conclude that, both of the
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countries
have
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different
major
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source
of
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electricity
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production
, with nuclear
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energy
being the major for
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france
while conventional thermal
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source
for Germany.
In the same way
, there's a huge difference in
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renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
too where France
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "depends on".
depends
mostly
in hydroelectricity while Germany
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "depending on".
depending
majorly
in biomass and wind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
.
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IELTS academic The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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