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The pie charts illustrate the proportion of online sales for travel, film or music, books and clothes in New Zealand in two selected years.

The pie charts illustrate the proportion of online sales for travel, film or music, books and clothes in New Zealand in two selected years. VBER3
The pie charts illustrate the proportion of online sales for travel, film or music, books and clothes in New Zealand in two selected years. In general, travel and film and music made up the largest proportion of the total online sales in two selected years. In 2003, it is apparent that 36% of the total sales were travel sector related, which was the major online sale of the year. However, in 2013, a drop of 7% resulted in the same sector which became the second biggest portion of total online sales. The second major sector in 2003 was clothes, which accounted for 24% of overall sales. A decrease of 8% could be seen in clothes in 2013. Film and music made the third largest portion of the overall sales in 2003 (21%) whereas, in 2013, the figure rose to 33% which successfully hit the highest sales. A relatively small portion of online sales was for books (19%) in 2003 which was slightly lower than that in 2013 (22%).
The pie charts illustrate the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
for travel, film or music, books and clothes in New Zealand in two selected years.
In general
, travel and film and music made up the largest proportion of the total
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online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in two selected years.

In 2003, it is apparent that 36% of the total
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sales
were travel sector related, which was the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
of the year.
However
, in 2013, a drop of 7% resulted in the same sector which became the second biggest portion of total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
. The second major sector in 2003 was clothes, which accounted for 24% of
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
. A decrease of 8% could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in clothes in 2013.

Film and music made the third largest portion of the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in 2003 (21%) whereas, in 2013, the figure rose to 33% which
successfully
hit the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
. A
relatively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
portion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
was for books (19%) in 2003 which was
slightly
lower than that in 2013 (22%).
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IELTS academic The pie charts illustrate the proportion of online sales for travel, film or music, books and clothes in New Zealand in two selected years.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
168 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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