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The pie charts illustrate the proportion of arrest of persons over five year period ending in 1994.

The pie charts illustrate the proportion of arrest of persons over five year period ending in 1994. AjjQM
The pie charts illustrate the proportion of arrest of persons over five year period ending in 1994. The bar graph indicates the percentage of reasons for most recent arrest arrest by gender. At first glance it could be seen that 91% of females were not arrested compared to 68% of males. As females stood the largest group that not arrested, males are the largest group that arrested. The males who were arrested accounted for at 32%, while arrested females were at just 9%. According to the bar graph public drinking is the main reason that influenced for most recent arrest to both gender. Males who drank in public were at around 30% while those females were nearly 37%. Drink driving was the second major that over 25% males were arrested most recently. Other reasons were equal to both males and females 18%. Finally compared to both gender, males were the largest group that arrested most recently according to those reasons. To sum up, comparing these two groups males were arrested more than females, while females who were not arrested more than those males belongs to reasons.
The pie charts illustrate the proportion of
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arrest
of persons over
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
five year
period ending in 1994. The bar graph indicates the percentage of
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reasons
for most recent
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arrest
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arrest
by gender.

At
first
glance it could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that 91% of
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females
were not
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arrested
compared to 68% of
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males
. As
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females
stood the largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
that not
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arrested
,
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males
are the largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arrested
. The
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males
who were
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arrested
accounted for at 32%, while
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arrested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
were at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
9%.

According to the bar graph public drinking is the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
that influenced for most recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arrest
to both gender.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Males
who drank in public were at around 30% while those
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females
were
nearly
37%.
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Drink driving
was the second major that over 25%
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males
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arrested
most recently. Other
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reasons
were equal to both
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males
and
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females
18%.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
compared to both gender,
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males
were the largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arrested
most recently according to those reasons.

To sum up, comparing these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arrested
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
who were not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arrested
more than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
belongs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
.

IELTS academic The pie charts illustrate the proportion of arrest of persons over five year period ending in 1994.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
186 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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