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Pie charts show the consumption of sodium, saturated fat and added sugar at 4 different times of the day.

Pie charts show the consumption of sodium, saturated fat and added sugar at 4 different times of the day. oRRDw
The 3 pie charts exhibit the percentage of the daily intake of sodium, saturated fat and added sugar in different meals throughout the day by an average native American. The first two pie charts show the consumption of sodium and saturated fats at 4 different times and also it can be noticed that an average American consumes a maximum of both the ingredients at dinner, but the consumption of sodium is constant at snack time and breakfast. Correlating the intake of sodium and saturated fat to that of the added sugar the consumption of the latter is very high at snack time and minimal at breakfast, However, As of sodium and saturated fat consumption is maximum. To conclude this paragraph, it can be observed that on an average an American consumes consumes minimum of all 3 ingredients at breakfast.
The 3 pie charts exhibit the percentage of the daily intake of sodium,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
sugar in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
meals throughout the day by an average native American. The
first
two pie charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of sodium and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fats
at 4
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
times and
also
it can
be noticed
that an average American consumes a maximum of both the ingredients at dinner,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of sodium is constant at snack time and breakfast. Correlating the intake of sodium and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
to that of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
sugar the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
of the latter is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high at snack time and minimal at breakfast,
However
, As of sodium and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
is maximum.
To conclude
this paragraph, it can
be observed
that on an average an American
Possible typo: you repeated a word
consumes consumes
minimum of all 3 ingredients at breakfast.

IELTS academic Pie charts show the consumption of sodium, saturated fat and added sugar at 4 different times of the day.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
139 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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