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The pie charts given indicate how much money was earned from manufacturing, sales and services in towns A and B in two different years 1960 and 2010.

The pie charts given indicate how much money was earned from manufacturing, sales and services in towns A and B in two different years 1960 and 2010. Mqlpk
The pie charts given indicate how much money was earned from manufacturing, sales and services in towns A and B in two different years 1960 and 2010. Overall, while the percentage of earning from manufacturing both increased significantly in towns A and B, the proportion of making from sales in towns A and B recorded a dramatic downward trend. Meanwhile, a steady reduction was seen in the rate of earning from services in town A, an slightly upward trend was displayed in the percentage of making from services in town B. In 1960, the proportion of earning from manufacturing in town A accounted for 29%. This figure rose to 64% by the end of the period. An opposite decrease was seen the rate of getting from sales in town B, which declined from 72% to 54% in the period examined. At the beginning of the period, the percentage of making from sales in town A registered 41%. This figure declined to 20% in 2010. An opposite increase was recorded in the rate of earning from manufacturing, which rose from 8% to 24% by the end of the period.
The pie charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
indicate how much money
was earned
from
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manufacturing
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
and services in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
A and B in two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
years 1960 and 2010.

Overall
, while the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
both increased
significantly
in
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towns
A and B, the proportion of making from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
A and B recorded a dramatic downward trend. Meanwhile, a steady reduction was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
from services in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A,
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
slightly
upward trend
was displayed
in the percentage of making from services in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B.

In 1960, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A accounted for 29%. This figure rose to 64% by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
. An opposite decrease was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
the rate of getting from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B, which declined from 72% to 54% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
examined.

At the beginning of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
, the percentage of making from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A registered 41%. This figure declined to 20% in 2010. An opposite increase
was recorded
in the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
, which rose from 8% to 24% by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
.
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IELTS academic The pie charts given indicate how much money was earned from manufacturing, sales and services in towns A and B in two different years 1960 and 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
188 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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