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The pie charts depicts the sales for retail sectors such as travel, film/music, books and clothes in New Zealand through Internet.

The pie charts depicts the sales for retail sectors such as travel, film/music, books and clothes in New Zealand through Internet. ePpW
The pie charts depicts the sales for retail sectors such as travel, film/music, books and clothes in New Zealand through Internet. The years of study are 2003 and 2010. Overall, there has been some drastic changes in the sales under travel and film/music sectors, while on the other hand there are some minor changes in sales under books and clothes sectors. In 2003, travel constituted highest expenditure by consumers of 36% which dropped by 8% in 2013. On the contrary, books were spent the least on by consumers I. e. 19% which rose by 3% in 2013. However, sales in the film/music sector became the highest of 33% in 2013 against 21% in 2003. Charts also show the fall in clothes sector from 24% in 2003 to 16% in 2013. It can be predicted from the percentages changes in travel and film/music sector that people have become more comfortable in their routine areas rather than exploring more places.
The pie charts depicts the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
for retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
, film/music, books and clothes in New Zealand through Internet. The years of study are 2003 and 2010.
Overall
, there has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drastic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
and film/music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
, while
on the other hand
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
under books and clothes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
. In 2003,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
constituted
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
expenditure by consumers of 36% which dropped by 8% in 2013.
On the contrary
, books
were spent
the least on by consumers
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
I. e.
19% which rose by 3% in 2013.
However
,
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sales
in the film/music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
became the highest of 33% in 2013 against 21% in 2003. Charts
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the fall in clothes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
from 24% in 2003 to 16% in 2013. It can
be predicted
from the percentages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
and film/music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have become more comfortable in their routine areas
rather
than exploring more places.
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IELTS academic The pie charts depicts the sales for retail sectors such as travel, film/music, books and clothes in New Zealand through Internet.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
158 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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