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The pie charts compare ways of accessing the news in the uk and Brazil. In pairs, discuss what the key features of the data are

The pie charts compare ways of accessing the news in the uk and Brazil. In pairs, discuss what the key features of the data are lXE3o
The pie charts indicate the popular ways of accessing the news in two different countries, UK and Brazil. The most popular means of news in both countries is Online. While in Brazil more than half of the people gather news online. However, this fraction reduces to 35% in UK. Slightly more than two fifth people in UK prefer TV to watch news. Where else, in Brazil this fraction is decreased to 38%. Furthermore, 15% of people in UK prefer to read news off a print media. Whilst in Brazil their percentage is dropped to less than half of that less than half of that. Moreover, 7% of people in UK like to listen to news on radio while this figure drops to 2% in Brazil. Still the means by which some some of the people in UK and Brazil access news remains unknown. All in all, it is visible that people in Brazil prefer more up to date and modern means for accessing news while people in UK are still hung upon old ways like Radio, Print media etc.
The pie charts indicate the popular ways of accessing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries, UK and Brazil. The most popular means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in both countries is Online.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
in Brazil more than half of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
online.
However
, this fraction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
to 35% in UK.
Slightly
more than two fifth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in UK prefer TV to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. Where else, in Brazil this fraction
is decreased
to 38%.
Furthermore
, 15% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in UK prefer to read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
off a print
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "medium"?
media
. Whilst in Brazil their percentage
is dropped
to less than half of that less than half of that.
Moreover
, 7% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in UK like to listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on radio while this figure drops to 2% in Brazil.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Still
the means by which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in UK and Brazil access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
remains unknown. All in all, it is visible that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Brazil prefer more up to date and modern means for accessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in UK are
still
hung upon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ways like Radio, Print media etc.
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IELTS academic The pie charts compare ways of accessing the news in the uk and Brazil. In pairs, discuss what the key features of the data are

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
179 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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