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The pie charts compare the proportion of time which senior people (from 60 to 70) and youngsters (from 18 to 26) spent on social network activities.

The pie charts compare the proportion of time which senior people (from 60 to 70) and youngsters (from 18 to 26) spent on social network activities. eAGdp
The pie charts compare the proportion of time which senior people (from 60 to 70) and youngsters (from 18 to 26) spent on social network activities. Overall, The most popular activity among young people was the social networking. More interestingly despite being the most common activity for adults making booking (for cinema \travel), it has the lowest level in youngsters activity. Noticeable point is that, making purchases has the same pattern on both graphs. Focusing on the first figures of the data, it is clear that social networking is the most widespread activity for youngsters and has the greatest number 24%. Downloading music\films as well as researching the information have the same proportion approximately 20%-21%. More lower figures owned by playing games 18% with making purchases 12% and the smallest number is in making booking 5%. As for the second graph, the most greatest number is on making booking (cinema\ travel) 25% and others which have the approximately same figures are social networking as well as researching data ( 21% to 22%), accessing (music\ films) with making purchases (15%-12%) and the last which has the lowest proportion is playing games 5%.
The pie charts compare the proportion of time which senior
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
(from 60 to 70) and youngsters (from 18 to 26) spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network activities.

Overall
, The most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
was the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking. More
interestingly
despite being the most common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
for adults making booking (for cinema \travel), it has the lowest level in youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. Noticeable point is that, making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
has the same pattern on both graphs.

Focusing on the
first
figures of the data, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking is the most widespread
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
for youngsters and has the greatest number 24%. Downloading music\films
as well
as researching the information have the same proportion approximately 20%-21%.
Use only "lower" (without 'More') when you use the comparative.
More lower
figures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by playing games 18% with making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
12% and the smallest number is in making booking 5%.

As for the second graph, the
Use only "greatest" (without 'most') when you use the superlative.
most greatest
number is on making booking (cinema\ travel) 25%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
which have the approximately same figures are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
as well
as researching data
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
21% to 22%), accessing (music\ films) with making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
(15%-12%) and the last which has the lowest proportion is playing games 5%.

IELTS academic The pie charts compare the proportion of time which senior people (from 60 to 70) and youngsters (from 18 to 26) spent on social network activities.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
191 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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