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The pie charts compare the proportion of the Australian household energy used and the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy used with some major features.

The pie charts compare the proportion of the Australian household energy used and the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy used with some major features. K3W53
The pie charts compare the proportion of the Australian household energy used and the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy used with some major features. It is clear that, energy from heating did not release a wide range of greenhouse gas emission than other elements. Moreover, citizens did not use energy for cooling in a common way. Energy was used for heating by Australian household accounted for 42% which was almost half of the total expenditure. However, the greenhouse gas emission which released from heating used only 15 %. Furthermore, 2% of total Australian household energy use was atributed to cooling which was not common in Australia. By comparing both groups, there was the same amount in the proportion of water heating in both groups: household energy use and greenhouse gas emission, at 30% and 32% respectively. On the other hand, emission from lighting, refrigeration and other appliances more than twice the amount of energy is used in an average Australian household.
The pie charts compare the proportion of the Australian
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household
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energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
and the
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greenhouse
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gas
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emissions
which result from this
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energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
with
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some
major features. It is
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clear
that,
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energy
from
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heating
did not release a wide range of
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greenhouse
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gas
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emission
than other elements.
Moreover
, citizens did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
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energy
for cooling
Consider replacing "in a common way" with the adverb for "common"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a common way
.
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Energy
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
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heating
by Australian
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household
accounted for 42% which was almost half of the total expenditure.
However
, the
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greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emission
which released from
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heating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15 %.
Furthermore
, 2% of total Australian
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household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
was
Possible spelling mistake found.
atributed
to cooling which was not common in Australia. By comparing both groups, there was the same amount in the proportion of water
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heating
in both groups:
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household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and
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greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
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emission
, at 30% and 32%
respectively
.
On the other hand
,
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emission
from lighting, refrigeration and other appliances more than twice the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in an average Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
.
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IELTS academic The pie charts compare the proportion of the Australian household energy used and the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy used with some major features.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
164 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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