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The pie charts compare and contrast data on the change in the percentage of online sales for four different sections in Canada between 2005 and 2010.

The pie charts compare and contrast data on the change in the percentage of online sales for four different sections in Canada between 2005 and 2010. gAyXL
The pie charts compare and contrast data on the change in the percentage of online sales for four different sections in Canada between 2005 and 2010. Overall, a clear look at the graphs highlight the fact that the percentage of electronic and appliance and home furnishing witnessed decreases, the opposite was true for the percentage of video games and food and beverage throughout the period shown. Looking at the pie charts in the more detail, the proportion of electronic and appliance began at 42% in 2005, which was the highest in the period. The proportion of home furnishings, food and beverage and video games started lower with 25% and 22% and 18% respectively. In the following 5 years, the online sales for food and beverage experienced a significant increase to 32% while the percentage of home furnishings fell considerably to 15%. In additional, there was a slight drop of 5% in the proportion of electronics and appliance the opposite was true for video games.
The pie charts compare and contrast data on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of online sales for four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sections in Canada between 2005 and 2010.

Overall
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
look at the graphs highlight the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of electronic and appliance and home furnishing witnessed decreases, the opposite was true for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of video games and food and beverage throughout the period shown.

Looking at the pie charts in the more detail, the proportion of electronic and appliance began at 42% in 2005, which was the highest in the period. The proportion of home furnishings, food and beverage and video games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
lower with 25% and 22% and 18%
respectively
.

In the following 5 years, the online sales for food and beverage experienced a significant increase to 32% while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of home furnishings fell
considerably
to 15%. In additional, there was a slight drop of 5% in the proportion of electronics and appliance the opposite was true for video games.
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IELTS academic The pie charts compare and contrast data on the change in the percentage of online sales for four different sections in Canada between 2005 and 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
164 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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