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pie chart of reason international visitors travel to New Zealand

pie chart of reason international visitors travel to New Zealand 2KQYj
The pie chart compares and contrasts data on the differences in various reasons of overseas visitors to travel to New Zealand, measured in percentages. It is clearly seen that the main reason for international visitors to go to New Zealand is for a holiday. Holiday is the most popular reason of all, because it accounts for the largest proportion of the pie chart, at 47 percent. Visiting friends and relatives are the second popular reason, they make up 29 percent of the total survey. International visitors also travel to New Zealand on business, which represents 13 percent of the chart. Only 11 percent of visitors go to New Zealand for other reasons, so they are the least popular in this survey. Overall, more people visit New Zealand for pleasure than for work.
The pie chart compares and contrasts data on the differences in various
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reasons
of overseas
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visitors
to travel to
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New
Zealand, measured in percentages.

It is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the main
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reason
for international
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visitors
to go to
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New
Zealand is for a holiday.

Holiday is the most popular
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reason
of all,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it accounts for the largest proportion of the pie chart, at 47
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percent
. Visiting friends and relatives are the second popular
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reason
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up 29
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percent
of the total survey. International
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visitors
also
travel to
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New
Zealand on business, which represents 13
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percent
of the chart.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
11
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percent
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Zealand for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are the least popular in this survey.

Overall
, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Zealand for pleasure than for work.
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IELTS academic pie chart of reason international visitors travel to New Zealand

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
132 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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