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The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013

The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013 PVMrX
The pie charts provides information about the online trades for retail sectores such as travel film or music books and clothing in New Zealand for 2003 and 2013. Overall, we can see in initial year travel sector proportion was highest while in 2013 online sales from film or music ratio was higher. Both years online sales for retail sectors rates continuous fluctuated. In 2003, online sales for clothes proportion was more than 20% and books online trades ratio was less than 20%. Furthermore, film or music online sales rate was 21% in 2003. Eventually, in 2003 online sales for travel sector ratio was highest and it made up to 36%. In 2013, online trades of books ratio increased and made up to 22% while clothes sales proportion dropped to 16%. Moreover, in 2013 film or music online trades rate rose up to 33% and travel online trades proportion decreased to 29%. Finally, in 2013 online sales for retail sectors ratio were slightly changed from 2003.
The pie charts provides information about the
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online
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trades
for retail
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "sectors", the plural form of the noun 'sector'?
sectores
such as
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travel
film or
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music
books and clothing in New Zealand for 2003 and 2013.

Overall
, we can
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see
in initial year
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travel
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sector
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proportion
was
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
while in 2013
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online
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sales
from film or
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music
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ratio
was higher. Both years
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online
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sales
for retail
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sectors
rates continuous fluctuated.

In 2003,
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online
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sales
for clothes
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proportion
was more than 20% and books
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online
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trades
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ratio
was less than 20%.
Furthermore
, film or
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music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
rate was 21% in 2003.
Eventually
, in 2003
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online
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sales
for
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travel
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sector
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ratio
was highest and it made up to 36%.

In 2013,
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online
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trades
of books
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ratio
increased and made up to 22% while clothes
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sales
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proportion
dropped to 16%.
Moreover
, in 2013 film or
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music
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online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trades
rate rose up to 33% and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
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trades
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proportion
decreased to 29%.
Finally
, in 2013
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online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
for retail
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "sectors'" or "sector's"?
sectors
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ratio
were
slightly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
from 2003.
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IELTS academic The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
165 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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