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The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

The given pie charts depict the information about the percentage of items sold by the various industries in New Zealand in both years 2003 and 2013. To commence with, it can be seen that travel sector was noted around 37 percent sales through the internet in 2003, whereas it was 8 percent less in 2013. Films and music industries made up 37 percent of online sales which was the highest among all other sectors in 2013 and it was recorded more than fifth in 2003. The ratio of clothes and book sectors were similar in both years. Moving ahead, books corporate were accounted for 19 percent of sales on the internet in 2003. On the contrary, 16 percent of online sales were done by the clothing sectors. Overall, it is clear that the travel and film sectors were the largest sellers but the books and clothes industries were the lowest online seller in 2003 and 2013
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts depict the information about the percentage of items sold by the various industries in New Zealand in both years 2003 and 2013.

To commence with, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that travel
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sector
was noted
around 37
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percent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
through the internet in 2003, whereas it was 8
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percent
less in 2013. Films and music industries made up 37
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percent
of online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
which was the highest among all other
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sectors
in 2013 and it
was recorded
more than fifth in 2003. The ratio of clothes and book
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
were similar in both years.

Moving ahead, books corporate
were accounted
for 19
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percent
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
on the internet in 2003.
On the contrary
, 16
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
were done
by the clothing sectors.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the travel and film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
were the largest sellers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the books and clothes industries were the lowest online seller in 2003 and 2013

IELTS academic The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
155 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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