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The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years.

The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years. yXPBP
The pie chart illustrates the comparison between two different two different year data that the people between 18 to 2 age group use to watch television in Canada. Overwhelmingly, in 2009 about one-third(34%) of device used was conventional television which has drastically reduced over a decade to about two in twenty(10%). The second widely used device inn 2009 is laptop, about one in five (20%) people used to watch television has reduced to 12 percent. Third popularly used device in 2009 was mobile phone, which got a steady increase through out the year from 15% to 26%. People have also started to limit the usage of desktop computer to watch television from less than a quarter(18%) to twelve percentage. The usage of flat screen and tablet has been facing a peak rise over the decade from 8% to 27% and 5% to 19% respectively. Overall, the report from the pie chart can conclude that as technology people prefer to watch television in flat screen television and tablets in Canada by 2019.
The pie chart illustrates the comparison between two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
year data that the
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people
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 18 and 2".
between 18 to 2
age group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to
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watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
in Canada.
Overwhelmingly
, in 2009 about one-third(34%) of device
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
was conventional
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television
which has
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
over a decade to about two in twenty(10%).

The second
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
device inn 2009 is laptop, about one in five (20%)
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to 12 percent. Third
popularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
device in 2009 was mobile phone, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a steady increase
Did you mean "throughout"?
through out
the year from 15% to 26%.
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People
have
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to limit the usage of desktop computer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
from less than a quarter(18%) to twelve percentage.

The usage of flat screen and tablet has been facing a peak rise over the decade from 8% to 27% and 5% to 19%
respectively
.
Overall
, the report from the pie chart can conclude that as technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
in flat screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and tablets in Canada by 2019.
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IELTS academic The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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