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The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010. xm0N1
The pie charts compare the average household spending in Japan and Malaysia in terms of five important categories in 2010. Overall, it is clear that Japanese and Malaysian people spent the largest proportion of their budget on just three categories, namely housing, food and other goods and services. Moreover, the expenditures on healthcare and transport in Japan were double the figures for Malaysia. In Malaysian households, the greatest proportion of spending was on housing, which represented 34% of the total expenditure, while in Japan, the figure for this category was just 21%. Japanese householders spent the largest amount of their income on other goods and services, at 29%. Meanwhile, the rate of spending on this category in Malaysia was slightly lower, at 26%. In terms of food, the percentages of expenses for both nations were relatively similar, at 27% for Malaysia and 24% for Japan. In both countries, the smallest proportion of spending was on health care. In Malaysia, this accounted for 3% of the total household expenses, while the figure for transport represented 10%. These figures were exactly doubled in @ieltsielts Japan which were 6% and 20% respectively.
The pie charts compare the average household
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spending
in Japan and

Malaysia in terms of five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
categories
in 2010.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that Japanese and Malaysian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spent the largest

proportion of their budget on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
categories
,
namely
housing, food and

other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services.
Moreover
, the expenditures on healthcare and

transport in Japan were double the figures for Malaysia.

In Malaysian households, the greatest proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
was on

housing, which represented 34% of the total expenditure, while in Japan, the

figure for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
category
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
21%. Japanese householders spent the largest

amount of their income on other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services, at 29%. Meanwhile, the

rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
category
in Malaysia was
slightly
lower, at 26%. In

terms of food, the percentages of expenses for both nations were
relatively


similar, at 27% for Malaysia and 24% for Japan.

In both countries, the smallest proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
was on health care.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In


Malaysia, this accounted for 3% of the total household expenses, while the

figure for transport represented 10%. These figures were exactly doubled
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
in


Possible spelling mistake found.
@ieltsielts


Japan which were 6% and 20%
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
189 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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