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The charts illustrate the proportions of people working in 3 different sectors in town A and town B over a period of 40 years.

The charts illustrate the proportions of people working in 3 different sectors in town A and town B over a period of 40 years. OVlaj
The charts illustrate the proportions of people working in 3 different sectors in town A and town B over a period of 40 years. It is clear that the proportion of labour in services of two towns increased during the period. However, workers in manufacturing still accounted for the majority of labour force in town B. In 1960, manufacturing created the highest proportions of jobs for people in town A and town B, at 41% and 70% respectively. Meanwhile, the workers in sales made up 30% of the workforce of town A, 10% higher than that of town B. The proportion of workers in the service sector of town A is nearly three times higher than the figure for town B. In 2010, town A and town B saw an increase to a massive 65% and 25% of employees working in services respectively. Although the proportion of workers in manufacturing of town B decrease to 53%, this figure is the highest among three sectors. Only 16% of employees in town A were sale staff, 6% lower than that of town B.
The charts illustrate the proportions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
working in 3
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sectors in
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town
A and
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town
B over a period of 40 years.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
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proportion
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
in services of two
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towns
increased during the period.
However
,
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workers
in manufacturing
still
accounted for the majority of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B.

In 1960, manufacturing created the highest proportions of jobs for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B, at 41% and 70%
respectively
. Meanwhile, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in sales made up 30% of the workforce of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A, 10% higher than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in the service sector of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A is
nearly
three times higher than the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B.

In 2010,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
an increase to a massive 65% and 25% of employees working in services
respectively
. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in manufacturing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B decrease to 53%, this figure is the highest among three sectors.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
16% of employees in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A were sale staff, 6% lower than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B.
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IELTS academic The charts illustrate the proportions of people working in 3 different sectors in town A and town B over a period of 40 years.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
181 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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