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The Pie Charts below give information about what young people in Australia did after leaving Secondary School in 1980 1990 and 2000.

The Pie Charts below give information about what young people in Australia did after leaving Secondary School in 1980 1990 and 2000. PEyXJ
The rendered 3 circular illustrations demonstrate the information about what Australian student decided to do after completing their Matric studies in 1980 1990 and 2000. Overall, young people of Australia choose furtger education and employment after completing senior secondary education while some of them left unemployed. Having a cursory glance on chart, it is crystal clear that in 1980, half of the population of juveniles decided to enhance their scholastic achievements after finishing their secondary education, on the other hand, 40% of the learners pursue towards employment opportunities while one in ten of them remain fail to achieve job opportunities. After analysing the remaining data, it can be clearly seen that in 1990, students of Australia choose higher studies after secondary education with about percentum of 38%, on the contrary, it was decreased with 1% after one decades. Furthermore, learners with employment had similar proportion that was in 1980 but after 10 years the ratio was increased with 5%. Moreover, 12% and 8% of youngsters did not get employment in 1990 and 2000 after matric schooling.
The rendered 3 circular illustrations demonstrate the information about what Australian student decided to do after completing their
Possible spelling mistake found.
Matric
studies in 1980 1990 and 2000.

Overall
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of Australia choose
Possible spelling mistake found.
furtger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
after completing senior secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
unemployed.

Having a cursory glance on chart, it is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that in 1980, half of the population of juveniles decided to enhance their scholastic achievements after finishing their secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
on the other hand
, 40% of the learners pursue towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
opportunities while one in ten of them remain fail to achieve job opportunities.

After
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the remaining data, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that in 1990, students of Australia choose higher studies after secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
with about
Possible spelling mistake found.
percentum
of 38%,
on the contrary
, it
was decreased
with 1% after
Don't use the number 'one' with plural words. Did you mean "one decade", "a decade", or simply "decades"?
one decades
.
Furthermore
, learners with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
had similar proportion that was in 1980
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after 10 years the ratio
was increased
with 5%.
Moreover
, 12% and 8% of youngsters did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
in 1990 and 2000 after
Possible spelling mistake found.
matric
schooling.
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IELTS academic The Pie Charts below give information about what young people in Australia did after leaving Secondary School in 1980 1990 and 2000.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
176 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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