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The pie chart shows Anthropology graduates from one university.

The pie chart shows Anthropology graduates from one university. GNkxe
The pie chart shows Anthropology graduates from one university. The graph also show that the salaries of anthropologist after five years. After graduate from university outnumber of the anthropologists work as a full time workers 52% out of 100. A few of them do part -time job when they are studying postgrad. However some of them are studying fulltime postgrad about 8%. 12 percentages of anthologists are unemployed. There are a lot of fulltime workers. On the other hand, most of them do not have time to work as a fulltime workers so that they work as part-time workers. By looking this, may be, fulltime workers get more salaries than the others. The salaries of freelance consultant increased year by year. The government selectors' salaries were not stable, it fluctuated. Because their salaries depend on public 's economy. That is why their salaries is fluctuated. Also the workers' salaries of private companies are fluctuated. Generally, all of the fields of the salaries are not very different.
The pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
Anthropology graduates from one university. The graph
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that the
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salaries
of anthropologist after five years.

“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
graduate from university outnumber of the anthropologists work as a full time
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workers
52% out of 100. A few of them do part -time job when they are studying
Possible spelling mistake found.
postgrad
.
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However
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are studying
Possible spelling mistake found.
fulltime
Possible spelling mistake found.
postgrad
about 8%. 12 percentages of anthologists
are unemployed
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Possible spelling mistake found.
fulltime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
.
On the other hand
, most of them do not have time to work as a
Possible spelling mistake found.
fulltime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they work as part-time workers.

By looking this, may be,
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fulltime
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workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
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salaries
than the others. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
of freelance consultant increased year by year. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
selectors'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
were not stable, it fluctuated.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
their
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salaries
depend on public 's economy.
That is
why their
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salaries
is fluctuated
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the workers'
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salaries
of private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are fluctuated
.

Generally
,
Consider using "all the".
all of the
fields of the
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salaries
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.

IELTS academic The pie chart shows Anthropology graduates from one university.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
166 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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